


Alone

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Brief Foul Language, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mario Is Not Okay, Self-Destruction, Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5810224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Angus' and Mario's relationship falls apart because of the fiasco with Heather, Mario breaks. Trigger warnings for drug usage and accidental overdose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

_Alone_

 

 

Mario should have listened to his instincts. He should have pushed Heather away, refused her advances, standing so close to his naked chest in the locker room that night. But now…well, now it was too late. He watched Angus at the corner of his eyes, watching as the resident joked with Malaya. The urge to call Angus by his name was so strong, so strong that Mario almost called out to him. But then the light-brown haired and slightly overweight resident somehow must have realized that he was being watched. His light eyes caught Mario’s, and the expression close to happiness vanished as a look of uncontrollable rage echoed. It didn’t suit him, Mario thought as he stared at the resident with unguarded eyes. Angus was supposed to be…smiling and acting like a naïve fool.

But that Angus had died when he had caught Mario and Heather in the locker room. The dark-haired resident still remembered the look on Angus’ face, pale and uncomprehending as he stared at the bra on the ground and Mario staring at him with his mouth open, naked chest in view. Angus swallowed, his expression screaming _heartbreak, betrayal, and loss_ before he ran outside with the door slamming loud behind him. Mario knew better to speak to Angus after what had happened. But he did.

Or at least he tried. The first-year resident hadn’t been prepared for Angus’ silence. He had expected Angus to yell at him, rage coloring his face as Mario would probably try to defend himself like the asshole he was. He thought that perhaps it would come to blows, with Angus’ fist colliding with Mario’s jaw. That was something he was familiar with. The resident was even prepared to see Angus cry, see his tears as the silver streaked down his frie – his colleague’s face. Mario hadn’t prepared for Angus to ignore him. He hadn’t thought that Angus would simply act as if he didn’t exist. He had started trying to ask him leisurely how his night went and then inwardly winced. _Not the smartest move._ Mario couldn’t count of how many times he had called Angus’ name, almost shouting that one name before Malaya came and took Angus by the shoulder and led him away. The look she gave Mario was one of pure loathing.

It seemed that his entire existence had faded ceased to continue after the fiasco with Heather Pinkney. The residents – all damn three of them – avoided Mario as much as they could, preferring to work with anyone other than Mario Savetti. He had never seen Heather since their last…relations. Mario later admitted to himself that it was only a sexual relationship, with little emotional intimacy that Angus dreamed about attached. She had used his body for pleasure as much as he did to hers. Somehow, that did not make Mario feel better. He was left in the company of Mike Leighton, the older brother of Angus. Who utterly made his life a living hell. _I suppose I deserve it_ suddenly became _I deserve it_ after only a three weeks past. Angus was still not talking to him. Was is really all that long ago that the other residents covered for him so he could pick up a patient’s son? The creative – Mario had to give him that – insults made by the personification of hell Mike Leighton burned in his mind whenever he saw Angus, or the other residents. _I definitely deserve it,_ Mario thought one day as he watched Angus walk outside with his older brother, Mike Leighton’s arms around Angus’ right shoulder. For some reason the image made Mario swallow hard. That friendship that Angus had with his brother used to belong to him…and Mario didn’t even consider its importance before he threw it all away.

 _I need you, Angus._ The thought suddenly came to him as Mario slid down on his bathroom floor, exhaustion crashing over him as his eyes suddenly glazed over with longing so deep it pierced his heart. It hurt. It hurt so much. Before, when Mario had first ruined the friendship, it hadn’t hurt so bad. That was because he hadn’t known what he was missing. He hadn’t known what kind of feelings that would form just by having one person to talk to, or having them by their side. Eventually by the time a month had passed since Angus and the other residents had ignored him, Dr. Rorish had stepped in. Mario had never been so scared by the expression of almost fury on her face as she called all four of the residents into the staff room. _“This is no longer high school.”_ Her glare intensified on Angus. _“Patients could_ die _by this delinquency, and I am not going to take it. I want answers. Now.”_

Malaya was the first one to speak. “Mario –”

_“I do not care what Mario did. In fact, the real question should be why aren’t you talking to each other?”_

_“I’m sorry.”_ Mario had been beyond shocked by the sound of his voice. It did not sound like him at all. It was weak, reedy, and shook as Mario swallowed thickly, stunned to find Angus glance at him. The image of Angus’ face was enough to make Mario almost shed tears. Of relief. _“I’m sorry.”_

Angus’ features didn’t change. Instead, he said something Mario thought he would never say.

 _“Fuck you.”_ The words had shocked Mario to the core. He stared, his eyes impossibly wide and his mouth open as Angus left the room. Emptiness. That was the only word that fit his description. The other residents couldn’t look at him, only Christa looking at him with an unknown expression on her face as she left the room. Mario remembered only of how he had found himself sitting outside of the ER, staring at nothing as he thought of what a messed-up human being he was. Mama had found him, but said nothing as the young resident stared into space…searching for something that was beyond his reach and now dead. Mario’s back had felt Mama’s touch then, impossibly gentle, as the senior nurse went back into Angles.

It hurt. Mario worked longer hours – as long as it would take him to fall into exhaustion and not remember any of the agony he felt. Eventually, he became exhausted on his feet, getting into fights that he shouldn’t have, and had an intense lecture by the new ER director. Dr. Rorish had pulled him aside one day, taking him away from Center Stage and staring only at his pale face and exhausted eyes before she told him to go home.

“It’s not my home,” Mario whispered almost inaudibly. He was hoping that the older doctor wouldn’t hear him, but she did. “Never had one.”

He thought of Angus then as he laid on the bathroom floor. Every moment they were together, even the ones which Mario knew he shouldn’t have been _such_ an asshole, echoed in his mind. The small moments he had with the others Christa’s and Malaya’s faces blurring with Mama and Dr. Hudson – even Dr. Rorish. Mario was finally so exhausted of everything that he started to cry. The tears burned against his eyes, stinging and everything began to spin as the image of Angus burned in his mind.

The once alone – now alone more than ever – resident started to cry. Soon he couldn’t stop.

* * *

 

Mario didn’t know how he had managed to fall asleep, but he did. Somehow crying his goddamned eyes out didn’t help the pain. Just the thought of going to Angles and seeing Angus made him want to _fucking_ weep again, so Mario stayed. Hours later, Mario found himself in a grocery store, aimlessly looking at the food and the items – absent-mindedly looking at the food that Angus would often eat, and of how Mario would tease him – when there was a song on the radio. The resident stopped, his entire form motionless as the lyrics echoed in his mind. _That’s me._ Mario thought, vaguely looking at the ceiling. _That’s me._ All his life…he had been that way, and when he had finally fucked up so badly he couldn’t take anything back, Mario actually understood the true meaning of the lyrics.

He knew what to do, even though it was incredibly stupid and would waste all those years of medical school for _this_. A gruff answer to the door was all he got. Then, the dark blue eyes widened.

“Savetti?” The brown-haired man looked up and down at Mario, examining him as he took in his scrubs and face. “You cleaned up! I thought you were going to be a doctor or something!” The voice was plain mocking, but Mario didn’t care anymore. He was passed that. “So.” Mario’s former dealer took a breath. “What are you here for?”

“You know what I’m here for, Andrew.” The name felt strange on his lips, almost causing a lump in his throat at the thought what he was going to do. “It’s obvious.”

Mario found himself staring at the drug that had once been his salvation and his parents’ killer. How he had struggled throughout rehab and the cravings, and the _pain_. But this…was worse. So much worse. The images of Angus’ face and words flashed through his mind, that finally gave Mario the courage to measure the frighteningly familiar millimeters of heroine. His hands shook, and he spilled some of it on his hands and scrubs. A small voice in his mind told him not to do this, the voice sounding strangely like Angus’; that he would get kicked out of the residency program for this

But Mario didn’t care. He didn’t care anymore. The pain…the pain…was too much. Mario sighed from deep inside his chest when the needle was prodded inside his veins, filling him with familiar comfort from the substance. _Good…_ Mario thought. _Good._ It took a while for the drug to kick in. Then again, it had been six years since he had used. He did not yet realize that that in his shaking hands, Mario had misjudged the dosage. He did not realize that the dosage was twice the amount he had when he had been sixteen. His mind had been too shaken to register that he was about to have an overdose. For some reason, his hand stayed still by his side as his eyes closed.

 _Angus…_ Mario thought faintly.

He was alone, and no would care.

His breathing stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Mario listened to was "Untitled" by Simple Plan. I don't truly believe Mario would commit any self-destructive action regarding whatever will happen to Heather and Angus. I do think, however, that he is extremely impulsive, and I think if he was in enough pain, Mario would intentionally or not, take his own life. He has low enough self-esteem and loathes himself, so I think if someone like Angus, who is truly the only one he truly ever got close to, rejected him, I think Mario would something he would have previously regretted. There will be a sequel to this. I don't know when I will update it, but it should come soon.


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